Some one sent this to me years ago. I loved it enough to keep it. Now I want to share it with you. It’s long – but worth it.
Customer: Well, after much consideration, I’ve decided to install LOVE. Can
you guide me through the process?
CS Rep. : Yes, I can help you. Are you ready to proceed?
Customer: Well, I’m not very technical, but I think I’m ready to install now.
What do I do first?
CS Rep. : The first step is to open your HEART. Have you located your HEART
Customer: Yes I have, but there are several other programs running right now.
Is it okay to install while they are running?
CS Rep. : What programs are running ma’am?
Customer: Let’s see, I have PAST-HURT.EXE, LOW ESTEEM.EXE, GRUDGE.EXE, and
RESENTMENT.COM running right now.
CS Rep. : No problem. LOVE will gradually erase PAST-HURT.EXE from
your current operating system. It may remain in your permanent memory, but it
will no longer disrupt other programs. LOVE will eventually overwrite LOW-ESTEEM.EXE with a module of its own called HIGH-ESTEEM.EXE.
However, you have to completely turn off GRUDGE.EXE and RESENTMENT.COM. Those
programs prevent LOVE from being properly installed. Can you turn those off
Customer: I don’t know how to turn them off. Can you tell me how?
CS Rep.: My pleasure. Go to your Start menu and invoke FORGIVENESS.EXE. Do
this as many times as necessary until GRUDGE.EXE and RESENTMENT.COM have been
Customer: Okay, done. LOVE has started installing itself automatically. Is
CS Rep. : Yes. You should receive a message that says it will reinstall for
the life of your HEART. Do you see that message?
Customer: Yes I do. Is it completely installed?
CS Rep. : Yes, but remember that you have only the base program. You need to
begin connecting to other HEARTS in order to get the upgrades.
Customer: Oops. I have an error message already. What should I do?
CS Rep. : What does the message say?
Customer: It says ERROR 412 – PROGRAM NOT RUNNING ON INTERNAL COMPONENTS.
What does that mean?
CS Rep. : Don’t worry ma’am, that’s a common problem. It means that the LOVE
program is set up to run on external HEARTS but has not yet been run on your
HEART. It is one of those complicated programming things, but in nontechnical
terms it means you have to LOVE your own machine before it can LOVE others.
Customer: So what should I do?
CS Rep. : Can you pull down the directory called SELF-ACCEPTANCE?
Customer: Yes, I have it.
CS Rep. : Excellent. You’re getting good at this.
Customer: Thank you.
CS Rep. : You’re welcome. Click on the following files and then copy them to
the MY HEART directory: FORGIVE-SELF.DOC, REALIZE-WORTH.TXT, and
ACKNOWLEDGE-LIMITATIONS.DOC. The system will overwrite any conflicting files
and begin patching any faulty programming. Also, you need to delete
VERBOSE-SELF-CRITIC.EXE from all directories, and then empty your recycle bin
afterward to make sure it is completely and permanently gone -erased.
Customer: Got it. Hey! My HEART is filling up with new files. SMILE.MPG is
playing on my monitor right now and it shows that PEACE.EXE, and
CONTENTMENT.COM are copying themselves all over my HEART. Is this normal?
CS Rep. : Sometimes. For others it takes a while, but eventually everything
gets downloaded at the proper time. So, LOVE is installed and running. You
should be able to handle it from here. One more thing before I go.
CS Rep. : LOVE is freeware. Be sure to give it and its various modules to
everybody you meet. They will share it with other people and then return some
similarly sacred modules back to you.
Customer: I will. Thanks for your help. By the way, what’s your name?
CS Rep. : You may call me the Divine Cardiologist, also known as The Great
Physician, but most call me God. Many people feel all they need is an annual
checkup to stay heart-healthy, but the Manufacturer suggests a schedule of
daily maintenance for maximum efficiency. Put another way, keep in touch . . .
By Rick Anderson, based on an idea by an unknown author. This script may be used free of charge, provided no charge is made for entrance to the performance. A note to the author would be appreciated. He may be contacted at firstname.lastname@example.org