There is no blame – things just are.
~ Michael Cavallaro, The 55 Concepts, A Guide to Conscious Living
Our society is one of blame.
We blame everyone for everything.
If the operation doesn’t go right it’s the doctor’s fault.
Litigation costs are so high doctors leave the state.
Are doctors really that incompetent?
I use this only as an example…
We blame the boss, our parents, the economy, the government for our woes. It’s not our fault – it’s theirs (because after all it has to be someone’s fault)!
Blame is a game we play that allows us righteous indignation and the luxury of being so busy judging the speck in our neighbor’s eye we miss the plank in our own.
The problem is as long as we blame others we can learn nothing. As long as we see ourselves blameless we are the victims of the world we live in. We are children who refuse to grow up. We are incapable of taking “control” of our world. When instead of blame we suspend judgment and look at our part in a situation we begin to grow and mature and own our own part as well as our power.
The boss is always mad and constantly changing her mind. Do we follow through? On time? As agreed? Is there a place in our lives where we are angry and inconsistent and attracting this? Have we asked what the problem is? How do we deal with it? By becoming surly? Gossiping? Subtle sabotage?
Many of us find we have scars from childhood. Do we use the scars for excuses? Pass them on to the next generation? Or become strong in the broken places? Our partner criticizes everything we do. Do we subtly or not so subtly do the same? Do we set them up? (This one has the potential of taking you to a whole new level of honesty!)
As long as we blame we can’t see clearly what is really happening which means we are incapable of changing it. We make the other the scapegoat in order to escape our part in the situation. “If they would only change, things would be better,” we say. And if they dare to suggest we contributed to the problem, our outraged reply is “It’s not me – it’s you!” While acting like it’s someone else’s fault may feel better in the short term, it never solves anything. If nobody picked up dinner on the way home, we can righteously point the finger at each other all day – but we’re still going to both be hungry unless we choose to do something about it. Letting go of blame doesn’t mean the other person is faultless, it just means that we are RESPONSE-ABLE for our own responses.
Blaming ourselves is no better than blaming others. Blame leads to the need to defend which misses what’s actually going on completely and solves nothing.
The more we suspend judgment and and take responsibility for what happens in our world the more possibilities of life open up to us. If we take the time we waste blaming to look for solutions our lives become easier and less stressful.
Someone once suggested we should all have a sign on our bathroom mirror that says: “I AM NOW LOOKING AT THE ONLY PERSON IN THE WORLD WHO IS RESPONSIBLE FOR MY HAPPINESS.”
So next time you get ready to blame think –
There is no blame – things just are.
How might I have contributed to this situation? (Remember: look at it, don’t blame yourself!)
What is it I can change to make it work better?
If you change nothing else but retire from the blame game your life will be easier – I guarantee it – try it!