You Must Feel to Heal

aYou must feel to heal – connect the head and heart.
~ Michael Cavallaro, The 55 Concepts

The other day I was angry with someone. Rather than feel my anger I started to think of all the reasons I shouldn’t be angry: “She couldn’t help it.” “I should be bigger than that.” and on and on. Then I began looking at where I do what she did, after all “Anything that bothers you is your issue.”  I felt like I was working really hard at this. Finally I remembered the Concept, “You must feel to heal – connect the head and the heart.” That was when I began to just let myself feel the anger.

Growing up we’re often told, “It’s not nice to feel that way.” “Good children don’t feel like that.” “You don’t really feel that way.” Even when done with good intentions, these messages tell us that our feelings are wrong, that we shouldn’t be feeling them. Add to that much that we hear today about attracting what you think about, we push our feelings down deeper and deeper and gloss them over with what we ‘should’ be feeling.

But to not feel our feelings is to dishonor and disown a part of ourselves. To not feel our feelings is to bury them and let them fester in the dark parts of ourselves until they explode in a burst of anger or eat us alive like a cancer.

Feeling our feelings doesn’t mean to wallow in them or that we have to act on them. Feeling our feelings simply means we experience them. Once we feel them we can resolve what brought them up rather than ignore the issue.

Once I felt my anger I could see what caused it and work on that. It no longer felt hard. What was hard was keeping the feeling pushed down. If I remember what made it hard I’ll remember to feel my feelings sooner next time.

(also published in the ebook “Living the 55 Concepts.” 55 Concepts Book and Audio available at

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